If you're thinking of getting married, I have one piece of advice: Forget it. Run. As Al Bundy once said, "Run silent; run deep... just run." Particularly if you're taking the time to read this site, you probably shouldn't be thinking of marriage.
I know, you're thinking to yourself: He's probably some bitter divorced guy trying to warn the world what a bunch of bitches women are. Not so. Or, at least, not quite. I'm a confused married guy who didn't know what he was getting into, and wouldn't have volunteered if I'd known what it was like. If I could turn back the clock, I'd never have tied the knot, at least not with Mrs. Buster.
I like the advice of the guys at RelationShit. I'll give you the same advice. Remember your worst days with her. When she was at her bitchiest, her most sarcastic, or her most manipulative and whiny. Ask yourself, could you live with that every day for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, then don't marry her.
But aren't those bitchy, manipulative days just an anomaly?
No, in fact the nice days are an anomaly. She's not consciously doing it, but almost all of the time, almost every day, she is acting. She's being nice to you because she's trying to make a good impression, because she wants something from you: a commitment. Only when she's under stress, or when you cross her, does the mask come off and you get to see what she can really be like, and it's usually not a pretty picture.
Mrs. Buster was very nice all of the time until we got married. I'll never forget our honeymoon, when I wanted to take her horseback riding again, just like when we met. Mrs. Buster and horses don't get along, but after the first ride, when we met, she had said that it was fun. So, I suggested that we go again. Mrs. Buster replied, "No, we're married now. I don't have to do that any more." Now, several years later, Mrs. Buster is very nice to her friends and my family, but doesn't bother putting on an act for me. She is, in fact, most often exactly like our worst days together before we were married.
What's that? Sweet Cheeks would never do that to you? That's exactly what I thought, too.
Oh, and it all gets explained away: she's had a tough week, or a nightmarish childhood. Her father abused her, she lost her job, she was in an auto accident, whatever. She always has an explanation for the bad days, and you, like a sap, you buy it.
One of my best university buddies went out with this girl who had had a hellish childhood. She had been abused by her father. She had been in multiple car accidents and was on disability. She had no education, and only disability pay from the crummy job she was doing when she had her last accident. Her mother was ill and needed care. Her whole life was fucked up. My friend tried to be her knight in shining armour. I tried to help her out in the education department. We figured we could give her the leg up she needed to get back on her feet.
We slowly figured out (I did before he did, of course, because he was in love) that she thrived on failure. Once, through hard work and a lot of coaching, she got 96% on one of her exams. She spent the rest of the week stressing over how stupid she was to have gotten two questions wrong. She loved failure because failure meant that someone would be coming to rescue her. She knew how to deal with that. She had no idea how to deal with success, so she tried to avoid it.
Throughout all of this, my friend thought that she was just a nice girl in a bad situation, and if only.... It took him five years to figure out that she was psycho and leave her.
This speaks to your motivation: are you here to enjoy your life, or save the world?
"I'm here to save the world."
Well, fine then. Find someone worth saving. Fly to Guatemala and help the people there. Go into the inner city and help some homeless people. Save someone who might actually benefit from being saved. If you try to save "her," she'll only dig herself in deeper in order to merit more salvation. You can't win.
Another good friend of mine, going through a divorce after 30 years of marriage, had some great advice that I didn't follow: "Tell her 'No' and see what happens." Just start telling her "No," even if it's no big deal, just to see what happens. Start gradually, once or twice with little things, but then build up to saying "No" to big, important things. If your relationship blows apart as a result, thank God that you didn't marry her.
I know: it's the hardest thing in the world to say "No" to your lady-love, because you just know that she's going to get you back for it. That is if she doesn't dump your ass outright. But that's the point: take the plunge, and find out early. Don't be like me: I was so nice from the very beginning, believing that I was showing her love and gentleness, which is what all women say they want, right? Well, rather than getting love and gentleness in return, all I did was teach her that she could do anything at all and I wouldn't complain, which is exactly what she does to this day.
You should stop being nice to any woman you're even vaguely serious about. It's only then that you have a chance of finding out what she's really going to be like. That is, unless she's smart enough to hold her tongue until the ring is on her finger. Then you're toast.
As postscript, I should say that that is one area in which foreign women are more dangerous than American chicks. American women are stupid in that regard: they'll bitch out their man at the first sign of opposition. Many foreign women are smart enough to defer to your opinion, no matter how much they disagree, until they're hitched. Then they start showing you that they have their own ideas about how things should go... now that it's too late for you to back out. So, as much as I rant here against Canadian, American, British, and Australian women I will give them this: it's easier to spot the bitches. How did Greg Knauss put it? "Numerous and Belligerent," although I think he was talking about something else.
