Some time ago there was a slogan for a car manufacturer that went, "On the road of life, there are passengers, and there are drivers." I think it was Volkswagen. This line has been running through my head recently, in particular with regards to how it applies to the gender wars and feminists' claims that women have traditionally been oppressed. I'm going to pick up the driver / passenger as an allegory for how to live and see where it goes.
Drivers, the role traditionally held by men, have a lot of advantages. They own their own cars. They can decide what kind of car they want (within their means), what colour, and what style. They can decorate the car to their liking, and keep it in good repair or not, as they choose. They can use the car whenever they want to go somewhere, or choose not to use it. They can drive fast or slow, recklessly or cautiously, and they can easily get where they want to go when they want to go there. I lived for a few years with no car, and I didn't much like it: it cramped my style.
However, I have several friends, several ex-girlfriends, and one wife, all of whom don't drive. They could have learned; they had the opportunities. Some tried, some didn't, but in the end they all chose not to drive. Why? They must be getting something out of it, because it really was a choice on their parts, not an imposed condition. I think that they choose not to drive because being a non-driver has some advantages, too.
The biggest advantages are low cost and lack of responsibility. If you're a non-driver, you don't have to buy a car. You don't have to pay for insurance. You don't have to pay for gas, repairs, and you don't have to save up for the inevitable day when Betsy packs it in and you need a new set of wheels to maintain your lifestyle. Whether you bus it, mooch rides off friends, or a combination, you avoid the monetary sink-hole that is a car. Furthermore, you aren't to blame if anything goes wrong, and it's not your part to put things right again. If the car crashes, it's not your fault. If the wheel falls off, it's not your problem to get the car to a mechanic to have it fixed. In fact, if anything goes wrong while you're bumming a ride from your friend, you might help with the immediate situation, but any ultimate fallout isn't your problem. You don't even have to suffer loss of mobility, as you can just bum rides off your other friends until your main ride's car is fixed. Traffic fines, road rage, near misses, parking woes... none of them are your problem or your fault. Neither do you have to make any of the thousands of split-second decisions that confront drivers every day. You just sit back, have faith in the driver, and enjoy the ride.
Now, I'll be the first to admit that it takes a special kind of person to be a passenger. It's not very relaxing if you're always stressed about getting into an accident. As well, some people just like being in control and don't like leaving their destiny to someone else. Nonetheless, the point was to show that the role has its advantages, that it's not a second-class position.
I think it was precisely those women who didn't like being metaphorical passengers in life that started feminism. They didn't just want to sit in the passenger seat: they wanted to drive, just like men. Maybe that was the original goal, but that's not the way it turned out.
What we have today is passengers who want to drive their friends' cars whenever they see fit. When you, a driver, are out hunting for a new set of wheels, these new-style passengers want to come along and have a say in the colour and make of car. After all, although they won't be paying for any of it, they'll be riding in it and, if they have their way, driving it from time to time. They want to be "equal" by sharing all of the privileges of driving: going where they want when they want, picking out the car, deciding on repairs, the whole ball of wax.
What they don't want, however, is the headache of worrying about car payments, regular maintenance, or insurance. They're quite happy to leave that to you. If the car crashes, even if they were at the wheel—hey, it's not their car after all, is it? In short, they want the privileges of the driver role, but if anything goes wrong, or if one of these difficult issues comes up, they want the option to ease back into the old passenger role.
Women want equality with men. They want to choice to be able to work if they want to, own property, vote, join the army, the whole ball of wax. However, when faced with having to go to work (as opposed to choosing to work) we call them "single mothers" and we have pity on them. When they commit crimes we search desperately for reasons why it wasn't their fault. When the draft comes around or war looms, we decide that women don't belong in combat. In other words, women want the privileges of the traditional male role, but they're also happy to keep the traditional female role in their back pockets for when they need it.
All women? Certainly not. I've met some fine, determined, responsible women in my time. Nonetheless, this criticism does stick to most women. Most women I know are now even brazen enough to admit that they find it useful to play the traditional female role when the other cards in their hand aren't winners.
01 Jan 2003 00:35
There is another way to be a passenger and still be in control, and this is a technique that Mrs. Buster seems to have perfected. Simply be unhappy with the ride. Complain constantly about the destination, the quality of the car, the speed, the traffic, and anything else that comes to mind, whether under control of the driver or not. Some drivers will simply tell passengers like this to get out of the car, but many will become self-conscious and start trying to make the passenger happy. Since the passenger can never be made happy, this situation devolves into the driver becoming the passenger's slave, doing anything and everything to please someone who can't be pleased.
As you can see, this whole idea that whoever is driving the car is in charge, and whoever is the passenger is "oppressed"... this idea has a lot of holes in it.
