And then there are the jokes that just flat-out bash men. What? You thought these would be woman-bashing jokes? Sorry, those are scarce. These, on the other hand, people e-mail even to me.
Killing Men is Just So Funny
Yeah, a dead man is just a joke that's starting to smell. These would be no problem if they were the work of some sicko, sent around amongst Women's Studies academic and posted on Web pages that also feature Valerie Solanis' S.C.U.M. Manifesto. Sadly, however, this sort of thing is even printed on greeting cards, and e-mailed from one "liberated" woman to another, and to their male friends "who they think can handle it." Can't I handle it? Why should I? Can the ladies handle rape jokes?
What should you do if you see your 'ex' rolling around in pain on the ground?
Shoot him again.
How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
His body.
Why do doctors slap babies' fannies right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
That last one, of course, is just wishful thinking on the part of women. Quick: Name two things with moving parts invented by a woman.
The Female CIA Assassin
Again, would this be so funny if the sexes were reversed? Somehow I don't think so.
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair - Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes.
"I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said: "You don't have what it takes. Get your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Gunfire was heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
